I leant against the door and cried. She kept screaming at me from outside the bedroom, a verbal assault.
“You’re not good enough, you never were, why did I marry you you useless piece of shit!” As her words roll through mr ear, tears roll out of my eyes. I’m a sobbing, heaving wreck.
after a while she harumphs and stomps down the landing. after a while my eyes shut and send me to sweet oblivion
I don’t know how much time passed since I fell asleep. My eyes are red, puffy and sore. I can hear cheryls heavy breathing from the landing outside.
I make up my mind quickly. I throw on a Jacket and open the window. without looking back I jump into the cool night air and head towards the bridge, one thought in my mind, I can’t go on like this.
1 Comment
Add Yours →Hi Ethan,
This was written exactly as you had written it on the paper you handed me. This means any spelling errors or grammatical mistakes were kept the same. This is something you will need to be careful of as we move through the assessment. The editing process will be vital for this.
Try to use a greater variety of sentence starters. You have started a lot of your sentences with some variation of “I…” or “My…” this creates the same effect of creating a list of what your character is doing, rather than experiencing them with him. You have also repeated sentence starters in quick succession as well. Using a greater variety will help you develop your expression and ideas around what conflict is moving forward.
Thank you
Mr Johnson